xoxoxo....

i LOVE avenues little hugs.. he is so sweet. he runs around the house playing with toys, tossing balloons, talking on his play phone, getting into stuff.... then he sees me and smiles really big and waddles over and gives me the biggest hug! its the sweetest thing ever. i just want to eat him. he has such a sweet little spirit and personality about him. he loves balls now, anytime he sees one he yells BALL for the next half hour at least. its pretty cute in his low little man voice. anytime i go into the bathroom he tries to climb into the bath. he has toy balls in the tub so he yells BALLS and reaches for them. i love him so much and am so grateful for having him in my life and to hang out with everyday. i cant imagine my life without him and never want him to grow up and move away lol. i watched a movie last called 'everybody's fine' and it was so sad because the father of 4 grown kids was traveling all over the country trying to visit with them. they were avoiding him because they didn't want to tell him the problems in their life and disappoint him. i watched it thinking of avenue the whole time and couldnt imagine what i would do if avenue moved out of state! i dont know how parents do it. letting go of the best thing in their life, letting them go into the big bad world and growing up. i just want avenue to be my sweet little innocent baby forever! i know this is crazy and not possible but a mom can wish. i never knew i could love someone this much, its not even a choice, it feels like his body is made up of my love so its automatic i love him. he is so much a part of everything i think about its crazy. i heard parents say they didnt know how they could love another baby as much as their first and now i totally understand. i now fully understand the momma bear phrase too. i have animal like protection instincts of him. he is me, my heart, a little mini part of me walking around as a little boy. what a blessing to have this feeling! but how powerful it is! i cant imagine my son having health problems, getting his heart broken, getting a bad grade, busting his knee. i dont know if i was equipped with the emotions to handle those things when they gave me this powerful love for him! im sure it will come tho. the other part of my heart understands that this is heavenly fathers sweet spirit and i am only his earthly mother, a teacher and protecter. and that whatever happens is HIS plan and i should accept his will. thats what i told myself while i was pregnant, if i lost the baby or carried full term was all his will. it all sounds very hard but loving him is so easy and so wonderful. ohhhh the BIG love i have for such a LITTLE man:)